Making Waves

Carol A. Hand

I never set out to create waves, and yet, it seems to be the story of my life. Growing up on the margins does that, I think. I learned to follow the culture that made the most sense to me – my mother’s Ojibwe culture – the one that was filled with welcome, warmth, and laughter. That was my choice because I wasn’t drawn to the dour austerity and joylessness of my father’s Anglo culture. I was forced to think for myself about a lot of other things at an early age.

It seems the only logical choice when different religions tell you that their way is the only truth – but you grow up with too many differing perspectives about “the one right way. “ And what about gender, ancestry, and socio-economic class? What if you grow up without realizing that there are acceptable things only boys and men can do? That you’re not supposed to love music and reading or appear to be too smart if you’re Ojibwe and grew up on the wrong side of town?

make waves not war tile

Photo: An online image of a print hanging on my wall (by Sandra Ure Griffin

Somehow, I managed to make it through school, even though it was often joyless and dourly austere. Eventually I learned to simply listen quietly, unless there were serious inaccuracies or harmful messages conveyed that needed to be challenged. And then I made waves by presenting alternative possibilities. By college, I learned to support my arguments on the basis of what the research literature had to say on the focal topics, but again, only if the information was clearly incorrect or discriminatory. A few course grades were threatened as a warning. Yet there were shining moments of creativity and initiatives that had important transformative possibilities in the real world.

And then I entered the world of organizational employment, based on the very same culture of dour austerity and joylessness that I remembered from childhood and school – with the addition of an even more rigid hierarchy and competitive edge. Sometimes I was fortunate enough to have the freedom to create because the jobs I was doing were too boring or obscure for anyone to notice. It was then that I had the chance to breathe life and joy into documents, meetings, and presentations. But things change, and new directors or governors can close even the tiniest of loopholes for creativity.

I hoped to escape that by moving to the ivory tower of academia. Through my rosy lenses, despite my own experiences in school, I believed the hype – that universities were charged with discovering new knowledge and deeper truths to create a better world. A better world couldn’t possibly be joyless and austere, based on outdated notions of socially-constructed inequalities, could it?

I tried my best to fit in. I quickly learned that fitting in was not going to be easy. The first course I was assigned was community organizing. Although I tried to follow the syllabus I was given, I couldn’t in good conscience teach community organizing by assigning college students with the task of collecting canned goods or old coats to distribute to “the poor.” (Using an adjective that suggests deviancy to describe a group of people who are not able to make it economically in the context of strategically orchestrated structural inequality was deficit-focused, demeaning, and prejudicial, as was the required intervention.) That’s something Sunday schools do, not college students training to work as competent professionals who are supposed to recognize the dignity and worth of the clients they serve.

I diplomatically approached the curriculum committee with an alternative. They were unwilling to budge. Ethically, I could not teach the course as the committee dictated, so I redesigned the readings and assignments. “You know,” they told me, “the committee decided that this was how the course would be taught and you need to follow our decisions. We are exploring the limits to your academic freedom so you will be forced to use the texts and syllabus the committee approved.” Fortunately, the chair of that department told me not to worry. “I have your back,” he said. “I hired you to do exactly what you’re doing.” And he did have my back, unlike the chairs of other departments that would follow.

At each new university, I encountered the rules the variety of committees had put into place before I arrived – dour, punitive, austere, and joyless rules like the cultures of the departments I joined. For all the talk about “strength-based practice” and “social justice foundations,” there was little to be seen. The committees had decided that long before.

Nonetheless, there were moments that made it all worth it. I lost count of the number of students I helped stay in school and graduate who might otherwise have dropped out or failed, many from Black, Native American, or first generation college backgrounds. There were classes, lectures, and assignments that were transformative for me and my students.

DSC00538

Photo: Framed Plague from Graduate Students (where I was known as a Students Advocate)

It’s not just my imagination. I have files filled with hand-written notes, group photos, treasured gifts, and plagues on my wall from my former students. The memories of the light in students’ eyes when they understood something or the joy when they accomplished something that was important to them are far more meaningful to me than any other awards could be.

But I wonder. What could we have done with a team of people who grew up in a culture that was welcoming, warm, and filled with laughter? What if we looked for strengths and possibilities, those things we shared as common ground, and focused on accomplishing the best we could imagine together, as a team, instead of imposing committee rules and hierarchies? These are the questions I contemplate as I consider the possibility of looking for a part-time job. I wonder if anyone would be willing to take the risk of a hiring someone with a history of making waves and inspiring creativity without imposing previously-developed committee rules. I wonder if such a job exists…

Copyright Notice: © Carol A. Hand and carolahand, 2013-2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Carol A. Hand and carolahand with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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22 thoughts on “Making Waves”

  1. Your story is very relatable to my professional experience. I also made a lot of waves which made my career voyages quite stormy. However, there were deep feelings of clarity, pride, and satisfaction too because I remained true to my principles as I achieved success. Contrarians always encounter resistance, but they move the world as well – little by little.

    And yes, the world of organizational employment really is a culture of dour austerity and joylessness. What a shame.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for sharing your experiences as a fellow contrarian, Robert. I love hearing about your insights – “deep feelings of clarity, pride and satisfaction too because I remained true to my principles…” Things won’t change for the better without that.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. thank you, Carol
    for your touching story
    of strength, dilegence & courage
    to keep your little light shining
    so that children
    found & will continue
    to find there way
    out of darkness
    of past, present & future 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Thanks for gifting us with your experiences. It occurs to me that “someone with a history of making waves and inspiring creativity” sounds a lot like the ideal description of a community organizer. It is so disheartening to hear that people who ought to know better (the top of academia) could be so clueless. But you show one person can make a difference. Your students were lucky to have known you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Debra, I so appreciate your thoughtful comments. I did love working with students and feel that I was the lucky one to have the privilege of witnessing their incredible transformations as they expressed their insights, passion and creativity, but the bureaucracy was so unbearably stifling. I hope enough of them go on to create the critical mass of creative thinkers it will take to change oppressive systems…

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Continue to make waves, dear Carol. It is needed to help effect change for the better but it is also incredibly draining to fight the system so I’m grateful for you and others like you who stay true to their hearts! Blessings!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It blows my mind that a university forward-looking enough to have a course actually called “community organizing” could be so backwards. But I fear that is often the story of the USA, where we have the words (justice, equality, opportunity, blah blah blah) but not the practice.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So true, Diane. I’ve learned the hard way that words don’t mean the same thing to everyone. How does focusing on people’s deficiencies represent “strength-based practice”? It’s why I use the phrase “liberatory praxis” rather than “social justice” when I want to distinguish what I mean by the foundational principle that ideally informs community organizing.

      Like

  6. Can’t think of anything positive to contribute. Only negative adjectives and much sadness come to mind for your first U colleagues. And, forgive me, this stupid idea in my head of you helping out part time at Wild Water Kingdom won’t go away! You really have a special perspective Carol. Try to find some fertile soil somewhere.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It may sound really depressing to know that the first U experience was actually the least oppressive. And I love your sense of humor, Bob. Wild Water Kingdom might be more fun 🙂 Thank you for your comments – and for making me laugh.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Your comments remind me of Chris Hedges talking about his experiences teaching in prison. For a lot of reasons, I think people who want to teach about creativity and joy run up against fewer obstacles teaching in prison than they do in universities.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Carol, I’m sure you know if you look for part-time work in places filled with warmth and laughter and service, you’ll be welcome. But, why don’t you go on out and offer your knowledge and wisdom as a consultant to organizations and groups that will benefit from you experience. I know there out there. And people respond to you differently when you come to them offering to help them with a problem or challenge they’re facing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your thoughtful comments and suggestions, Skywalker. Your insights are very helpful – they made me realize how often I automatically play down my experiences and education in an effort to reduce other’s discomfort. It really never works in the long run…

      Liked by 1 person

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