Some Days Are Harder than Others

Carol A. Hand

I don’t know why I feel so sad this morning
Maybe it’s the rainy grey November day

Maybe it’s the memory of a young Ojibwe man
I just revisited yesterday
When I realized that I would never see my sister again
I stopped talking and remained silent
I began wetting the bed
The foster family tied me to a board in the yard and
They all peed on me to teach me a lesson
He survived abuse only to die young

Maybe it’s the former student
Who valiantly overcame so many odds
Violence, poverty, and off-putting brilliance
That kept her locked in poverty-wage jobs
Whose latest challenge to overcome cancer
Finally ended last week

Some days life just feels too heavy
Still, I have promises to keep
I know I need to honor their lives
By honoring myself and the work I’ve begun
By nurturing the light within
Especially on the dark days

candle

Copyright Notice: © Carol A. Hand and carolahand, 2013-2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Carol A. Hand and carolahand with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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50 thoughts on “Some Days Are Harder than Others”

  1. Carol, I’m reading and re-reading this post; grieving with you about evil and tragedy that should not have happened. It seems a paradox that in writing about these tragic aspects of life, you are indeed “nurturing the light within.” My symphathies for your losses. ❤

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you for your always thoughtful comments, Jacqueline. I agree – this is a difficult emotional time for many made worse by ongoing heartless cruelty.

      (I should add that despite abuse in foster care homes, he actually grew into a lovely man motivated by compassion and integrity. His death was a tremendous loss for the community.)

      Liked by 3 people

  2. Carol, the dark rainy days have arrived here in Oregon and I have a lot of those kinds of thoughts bothering me , too. The kind that make you feel heavy with sadness and it’s so hard to shake. Sending a cyber ((hug)) ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  3. These are hard memories to share but you are honoring the memory of the people who lived them. By sharing your stories, you are helping to make the world a more aware and kinder place for our grandchildren. Smile and be proud.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Oh, Carol, So much suffering. Sometimes I wonder what spirit is wanting us to understand. Then, sometimes, I have a vision that without suffering we cannot learn caring. Still, the lessons are hard and leave a deep and lasting ache in my heart.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. As always, you have raised such important questions, Michael. I’m not sure why there’s so much suffering. It may be that we are born knowing how to live lovingly and are programmed to forget as we’re socialized to fit in. Maybe some of us remember again through our own suffering.

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  5. As writers, our work oftentimes take us to dark places. Yet, in order to tell our stories and bring to life the individuals who feature in them, we must be able to relive those emotions with the light of the present.
    Keep writing through the pain.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Good morning, Carol. I can’t help checking in and hoping today some light is seeping into the darkness. Our storm stopped sometime in the night and this morning the sun is shining more brightly than it has for some time. Another storm due this afternoon, but I’ve never appreciated this brief respite so much. I pray some sun shines over you today. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your kindness, dear Mandy ❤ For the moment the sun is shining – in my eyes – but it's a good thing. I apologize for not responding sooner. (I didn't post this piece until after I wrote my quota of words for NaNo yesterday, even though I had written before I started on my book. I needed to write what was in my heart and thoughts first. And I'm only answering your comment to let you know how grateful I am to you before I immerse myself to maybe finish chapter ten…)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Good for you! i always have a plan to do NaNo but I have had the attention span of a gnat 😀 I hope you make great progress on your book. Couldn’t they do the NaNo in the summer when it’s bright and sunny and I’m inspired?

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I have 35,000 words so far toward the 50,000 goal. I made a decision, though , that makes it easier for me than other writers. I’m interweaving my memoire into my edited research fieldnotes and adding historical and cultural context. I won’t know if it works until I’m done and begin the editing process. I honestly have the greatest admiration for you – I can’t wait to read your book, but I’ll need to wait until I’m finished writing.

          By the way, I do think NaNo is offered at other times – I think in April .

          Liked by 1 person

        2. 35K-wow! Just getting this draft downloaded is fantastic. Plenty of editing, maybe revisions, but this is huge. I’m really excited for you. I’ll check out the April NaNo. That’s a good amount of time to wrap my head around a month of intense writing.

          Liked by 1 person

  7. Human beings can be so cruel in their projections of fear…always onto the innocents. Than you for sharing their stories here, for we can hold their memory and honor their journeys as we recommit ourselves to compassion for others….especially those who are not the same as any one of us.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Indeed they are in pain.. I have been the recipient of that deep insecurity in a parent that is powerfully and painfully shared with a child. And, today I see that parent with compassion. I am truly one of the lucky ones who have lived to heal.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Oh, I’m so sorry, Carol. It never ceases to amaze me how cruel humans can be to one another. You honor these two well with your words. Stories like this need to be shared and in the sharing can come great healing and peace. Keep telling their stories so that maybe others don’t suffer needlessly. May the Lord grant you His peace that transcends all understanding and that His goodness and mercy bring rainbows out of your tears. Love, Natalie 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sadly, I doubt that anything ever happened to them. I suspect they continued fostering other children based on what I was told about the social workers who were responsible for overseeing the welfare of these children.

      Like

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